Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I tend to feel exactly this way after most sessions and I do often act it out (usually send T email after sessions). I felt extremely conflicted about it for a good while but then, especially with my current T, I've come to accept this need of mine and my T welcomes the emails, never suggests that I am doing anything wrong. My formed therapist did and it just made it worse.
Yeah I also do get angry when he does not respond but for me it's very mixed, big part of it is being angry at myself for my lack of inhibition. My former T uses a technique that works with anger directed towards the T from the patient as a tool to resolve old issues. The idea behind is that many people direct suppressed anger towards themselves, undermining their self-esteem and blaming themselves for everything, and acting out the angry feelings in session is supposed to eliminate some of those introjects. He was quite good at provoking those reactions from me towards the end but I was very uncomfortable with them and did not find it helpful, so I left instead. Current T is just calm, very consistent and non-judgmental -- this works much better for me because I can act out at times and it does not lead to conflicts and fights, we discuss it in a rational way instead. But yeah of course I feel frustrated when I don't get what I want in a moment, I think it's a natural reaction. I think when we feel it's an overreaction, it's often a sign of internal conflicts that are good to look at. Not the most pleasant kind of work of course.
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Thanks for your response X, I will try to bring it up next week. I'll likely minimize it but maybe it's a start anyway. I wonder if I need the kind of therapy your former T used, that you were uncomfortable with. I have such trouble expressing anger, and yes, it does manifest in self-loathing