Some people go through life presenting their outward self as one way - while their true nature remains disguised inside. Some people are very good at this and it's deception on their part. Some people don't have empathy and can't love anyone but themselves - but they can put on a "mask" to portray themselves in a positive way. They can't reveal what they truly want sometimes so it's a secret. Unfortunately I think maybe your husband never revealed his true self to you or probably anyone. It's not your fault. There is a website called LoveFraud that may be a good support resource for you. I'm no expert but maybe this helps. I know it hurts. You are doing the right thing. Thinking of you.