Update from 18 days later: my wife sat on the couch with me and gave me a tearful apology on June 8, which I accepted, so I was back in the bedroom for a while.
Things fell apart again this morning in reaction to the usual minor transgressions of our 13yo who abused television priveleges again. It's not that the 13yo didnt do what sneaky 13yos tend to do (watch tv when they're not supposed to). And the punishment fit the crime: no iPod or tv for next 8 weeks. My wife's punishment, however, once said 13yo was out of the house, was to rage and scream and throw things, threaten violence, divorce, loss of parental rights, loss of home, death. You know, the usual stuff.
My part in this is I'm not as strict as my wife. But objectively I think taking away the kid's iPod for 8 weeks seems sufficient. And the reaction is as usual over the top.
Anyway, my wife's behavior is too extreme, as usual, and I hate existing like this, living in fear of the next blowup, so I'm going to start up the separation proceedings again, which were on hold as of June 9.