Mania: I get distracted easily and take a lot of risks. It is hard to keep up with myself...there are too many thoughts going through my head, and I get agitated. It's hard to sleep, and I'm more active, but not as productive as I am in hypomania. High anxiety and paranoia start to set in, leading to a mixed episode, most commonly. I feel good at first with mania, but not for long at all. I also get a lot of unusual ideas during this phase, and I self-medicate to try to bring myself down. I hardly sleep. When I do, it feels like I'm half awake constantly. My judgment is poor. My "great ideas" from hypomania get harder for me to follow through on since I'm no longer organized. I'll often try, but it doesn't pan out.

Hypomania: I feel really good and much more confident than usual. It's not uncommon for me to drink more than usual and often get sexually preoccupied. Sometimes I get fixated on something, but it's usually pleasant. I'm spending more money than usual, and not as much sleep is needed. I'm planning a lot of great things and more creative than usual. Sometimes I feel really "sharp" and quick minded and achieve a lot.

Mixed: Some of the same symptoms of mania, but there's a very nasty side to it. Occasionally I have "mildly mixed" episodes, but my "true" mixed episodes are pure hell. I get shaky, sped up, and feel like the world is going to end. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. During these phases, I feel detached from the world. It's much harder to hide than depression too....people visibly see I'm struggling, and they can't really do much to help or understand my way of thinking. When I'm not spending time looking over my shoulder, I'm in tears. The racing thoughts are horrible, and I feel wide awake, even when half asleep. It's common for me to just hear "noise" in my head, especially before bed, but even when up. I make decisions I wouldn't normally make during this time too.

Depression: Low energy, decisions come back to haunt me, guilt, lack of self-worth. Sometimes I cry a lot, but I often just feel numb. The enjoyment of life just isn't there. I feel like hiding.