Yes, it feels like a lot of pressure to be a completely functional, self-sufficient, confident adult. I feel like being okay and starting to do normal things just sets me up for failure because I'm always expecting the crash...because it has always come. Every time.

It's like I'll wake up one day feeling good and stable, so I'll arrange to do some normal stuff the next day (volunteer for something, agree to lunch with a friend, buy a gym membership). Next day comes and I can't even leave the house. I watch it all fall apart.

I guess I'm basically used to "okay" being a nasty trick, so I kind of hate it. I don't want to get blindsided.