Oh (((Findpeace)))

I had the worst time when my T was on vacation. I will listen to you, and help you through this week.

You are dissociating because T is your anchor and your grounding.
It's too painful to face stuff without him. I think Sunny is right about journaling. Just write down whatever you would say to him. Write him a letter! Also, you can try getting some really nice video and watching it to distract you. I bought Anne of Green Gables, the scenery is awesome and there's not a shred of violence in it so no triggers.

Keep posting, we are here.