Hi, I need to share and get support, I feel afraid of what I've done and the possible results.

I asked to come back to one of the Ts I'd had earlier this year, and she wrote me back saying she's all booked, that would be ok, a bit of abandonment stuff to get over,, but I can deal with that. It was the other stuff she said on top that put the crazymaking in. It was because of this that I left before.
Its a bit complicated to explain, but long story short, she went against what I understand her approach is meant to be about. According to the literature they trust the patient to take responsibility for thier recovery, but she was totally directive....... she told me that the problem was about using the phone for sessions rather than what is being said by the people using the phone.
I quoted to her 2 of her quotes that I'd read in the book which she wrote a chapter of. These quotes indicating the T. shouldnt take over and tell the patient what to do.
I already told her about my experiences of trying to get a T. here. Noone understands about pds, they just say 'dont label yourself' and stuff. AND I had originally told her I was prepared to come over to CA. where she lives.... its just too long to explain all the ins and outs. My fear is how much these people can trigger me. If I get a return email with further crazy making stuff it can get staight through to me, my life goes on hold, my thoughts get into a loop going around the conversation I'd have with her, my life fades to nothing and all I want to do is untangle the knott thats in the relationship with her.

........... maybe she wont even reply, I dont know. But I need to get restored to sanity around this stuff. #
Why did I go back to her? Because the first 2 sessions I had were brilliant, what I needed, I couldnt believe ... I felt I could get back to how it was at first with her.....
Ok, I do realise, I've been like a crazed terrior at a rabit hole. Couldnt leave, couldnt let go.


ohhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh//!