I'm resurrecting this thread because nothing's changed, and I still feel like crap. I have no invitations anywhere for Thanksgiving -- usually SOMEBODY takes little spinster me in -- so I'll have two days next week to sit around feeling sorry for myself. ONE person who hasn't seen me in a couple of months finally got around to asking if I was OK. Everybody else has been "busy" or has some other excuse for ignoring me.

I swear, you guys, I am not a horrible person. I *used* to have friends I could count on. Most of them saw me through an actively suicidal phase last winter that ultimately landed me in the loony bin. If they could handle THAT, why can't they handle simply sad and lonely? It's making me feel like dirt -- you know, gets walked on and eventually swept up and thrown away without a second thought.

The part that *really* pisses me off is, I'm a good friend. I remember birthdays and difficult anniversaries and I'm always there when needed. Why is it so freaking hard to get other people to treat me the same way? What is wrong with me? Am I some kind of freak because of my mental illnesses? Why can't people deal with it when I'm not all Suzy Sunshine all the time? You'd think if they cared about me, they'd take me as I am.

You know how they talk about people "doing something stupid" like bad self-injury or worse "just to get attention"? I swear to god, I'm almost there. I don't understand what is making me invisible, but I'm tired of it. Really, really tired.

Sigh, Sorry for ranting.

Candy