i need help...
bro wedding...
i had to go...
i could of say no i cant...
but i need to i had to i must i cant say no...
i cant say much things i dont want to identify myself...
people... people... people .... .... ...
i cant say how much everything triggers me....
i love everyone... but i hate this... it makes you hate everyone...
just stay locked in a hole... stay away from everyone... people... people...
he is very happy... i am happy for him... it is beautiful... but how i can be resentful... but i am not... it is not me... it is what i am locking away... i cant... i cant...
to let myself go...
i see so many family there... foster family...
things come from out of no where... how do you feel something you not remember...
how do you feel something you not understand...
why... your so stupid... you make the same mistakes over and over...
you make yourself so ashamed... you are so pathetic...
everyone must think you are so bloody retarded... but they repeat how you used to be so genius... you had high hopes for everything... in every one eyes... you supposed to be top dog... lead the pack... so talented with everything...
but you cant lead yourself... what a loser...
i cant face this life... i cant face these people... i need out... i dont want to do this anymore... its not fair... i cant... i cant.... please i cant...
why cant i just die.... why must my misery prolong... why must i bring myself down in everyones eyes before its over... why must everyone realize how failure i am... before i stop... why... why...
im so tired... i cant do this... they wanted so much for me... but look... at me... why.. what a failure... what misery... why... what pain... what infallible torture....
you increase your waves... you increase the infliction... you push me so far... i cant go through this... you want people to see these things... i cant deal with it... i want to stop... i want to pretend there is nothing wrong... i want to fix everything... just get a life... get a job... a career... a life.. a family... a life... my own ... life... what is life...
"Left-In-Fire-Eternally..."
burn... burning... why it doesnt kill me... im tired of burning... self torture... you fool...
what a miserable fool... what an idiot... pathetic... failure... stupid *****.... just die... die.... die.... die... please just die.... save it all the trouble... save it all the expectations.... nothing is in this world for me... nothing is in this recovery for me.... what a miserable attempt to be normal... what a miserable attempt to survive.... i want out.... i want out.... please leave me alone... just let me die.....

you cant hate me as much as i hate me... i cant hate me as much as i want out... one way or another this has to stop... i cant........ i cant........

whatever... what more do words matter.... words.... words..... stupid words..... just die...