Several things have happened that really helped… SkeezyKS helped by reminding me to keep my safety in mind and I really needed that feedback, so I am very grateful. Then, I was escalating a little and random chatting and I do not think to was a coincidence that the young man I ended up chatting with was my son's age. I am very strict about that…if one is of the age that there's even a remote possibility that I could be his mom, well… I just can't be interested. That is just MY hangup for me (My dad is with someone my older sister's age and one of my good friends is married to someone twenty years her junior and neither of those situations bother me at all for them).

Anyway. This poor young man was doing everything in his power to try to convince me to have a "more than friendly" chat with him and send pics etc.

At a certain point, it clicked, because I sent him a message that REALLY was exactly what I needed to hear: "You have to decide what you are looking for. Do you just want to talk to someone online and turn it into something that it's not for a moment of pleasure or do you think you might be seeking something more…a real connection with a real person?" BAM! I am not sure if that was the advice he needed at all, but as soon as I typed it, I knew it was the EXACT advice I needed. Funny how things sometimes work that way.

I have had no sex with anyone for over five years. I have kept myself safe that entire time. Why would I jeopardize that for the fantasies I am having right now? Don't get me wrong, I am still enjoying the fantasizing part. But… I know I have the strength right now not to act on it, because I am not in a place where I am able to handle any of it right now in a safe way.

Another thing that happened was I made my long ride home a few days ago and wore just regular clothing and did just fine driving home bringing no attention to myself whatsoever. Still had some fun fantasy thoughts on the trip and got plenty of looks and waves from truckers. Some guy even waited around for me by his car at a rest stop and asked me where I was headed and if I was on a schedule or had a little time. I truthfully told him I WAS on a schedule and that I was flattered (and I WAS), but I knew…at least for now…that fantasy is just that. And I need to think about where I might want to go in REALITY in the future...

I am just glad that I feel much more in control again and that I am back on track with handling this for now. I am pretty sure it will be an ongoing thing for me…always has been. Not sure what tomorrow holds, but today, I'm feeling pretty good about how things are.

Thanks to those who have been helping. I greatly appreciate it!