I find it hard, sometimes, to sort out what part of whatever my wife say is true and what part of it is (intentionally or not) just creating a feeling in me of fear and self-doubt to make it easier for her to get what she wants from me. So you sound like you have a lot of self-doubt and it doesn't sound like the husband is helping solve any of that. I can't suggest any particular course of action but I relate to the confusion. Your son's reaction to his dad while cooking seems like the absolute truth though!