Hey friends. I just wanted to talk about something and maybe get some insight. I decided to apply for university again. The last time I did was back in 2012 and I was intensely depressed and suicidal back then. I decided to drop out instead. I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now and she has helped me work through a lot of these mental health issues that I suffered from, and while I am not a completely functional person, I feel much more secure and healthy than I was four years ago. I recently decided that I'd like to study psychology, because maybe I could use it to help people.

I like the idea of helping people overcome their issues and I also think it would be a good thing for me to so as a person in the LGBT community (I am a transgender woman. I want to help other queer and trans people and I think the mental health field is lacking in people who really understand the personal issues LGBT people face). I felt good about this decision initially but now am wondering, what if I'm going in for the wrong reasons? What if I'm just doing this because I have nobody else in my life to look up to and I've idealized my own therapist in my mind and I identify with her so much that I'm just tricking myself into thinking that I want to become a therapist too? Like I've internalized this idea of her in my mind and identify with it because I don't even have a strong idea of who I really am and that's all that I have to go off of? I'm sorry if this is rambly but I'm having a hard time making sense of this. Is it common for young people going through therapy to experience this kind of feeling? Is there some kind of transference going on here? Am I nuts? Sorry. I know I must sound like a total wierdo. I just wanted to see what you folks might have thought.