i don't know how my t would respond to gifts. in a way... he reminds me of this other t i had... with the other t... i have him a paper i wrote the last time i saw him. he reacted like i was holding out a branding device. he really didn't want to take it. by the time he realised it was just a paper and that yes i'd made a copy for myself and i'd reassured him that he could shread it for all i care he muttered something like 'i'll let you know what i think' and i was like 'yeah, right'. wished i'd never given it to him.

i think... he saw his mistake. he got someone to pass on my email address to him and... he emailed me saying that he had read the paper a couple times and he told me what he thought... it still really hurt me that he reacted to my gift like that, though. i guess part of it was that i did want to give him something of me that he would take with him. kind of... object constancy in reverse. reassurance for me that he would think of me occasionally. and i felt like he called me on that by saying 'i won't be taking it with me, you know' and i just felt humiliated. wished i'd never given it to him.

sometimes... i get coffee from this cafe before i go in to see my therapist. sometimes... i've wondered about getting him a coffee too so we can have them in session instead of me trying to gulp it down before i go in to see him. i'm not sure how he takes his coffee, though. but i thought i could get a latte and a long black and take some sugar and he could have whichever he prefers... though knowing my luck he doesn't drink caffenated drinks... or would respond in horror or whatever... i guess i should ask him before doing it... but i really don't think i will.

i dunno about gifts. but... i plan on giving him a copy of my thesis when i'm done. a bound copy. will cost be fifty bucks or something... but... i don't want to acknowledge him in the acknowledgements (confidentiality issues) but... i do want to say to him that i wouldn't have done it without him... and to thank him very much.

assuming i get it done of course.