SO, my "relationship" of 5 years if officially over this time. We have had a on again off again thing for some time. But this time it's really done. In my "reasonable mind" I know that this is for the best. My "emotional mind" is a mess. I am so lonely and have an emptiness that feels so bad. My heart literally hurts. I want a hug. I want to know that things will be ok. But no one can do that or tell me that. I go through cycles of anger, despair, belligerence, fear, self loathing, SI….

I just did not think it would be this hard. I had no idea.