This sounds like my parents' marriage, except they never separated. I wish they had. My father didn't appreciate my mother until she had a brain tumour and nearly died. And even then he wanted her to go back to how it was as soon as she got home from hospital. They were going to separate then but she got ill and he was pleased because he had his cook/ cleaner/ little slave back. Maybe I'm not being accurate but that's how it felt, back in the 80s when I was a teenager growing up with them. Is that why he wants you back? Does he actually love you for you, or want someone to do all the chores? What about the effect seeing all this has on your kids? FWIW I agree with your T and think you shouldn't set a date and just go back when you're ready. But I actually hope that enough time passes and you realise that you neither need nor want to return because you have such a wonderful life as a single woman. Your kids will be happier. Just my thoughts. But sending hugs and good wishes your way.