I believe that my entire family of origin was autistic, parents and all four children. I was the oldest. My brother and I have high intellects but our two sisters do not. I am angry about how badly I was treated. I have always felt that my mother just hated me because she consistently criticized everything about me. She had no wisdom at all, ever.

It does NOT seem to make any difference that my mother was not a narcissistic mother NOR that my parents were not purposely emotionally neglectful or purposely emotionally abusive. The results are the same!

I just had to make a list of the common struggles a child from an alcoholic family has to deal with. They are the same!

I know that they were just unfortunate people but I just feel that they had no right to have so many children whom they had no idea how to treat or how to raise. My mother did not have the ability to teach anything. All she could do was criticize me.

I feel like I will never get over this. I am at the point of not functioning at all. I am stuck! I called my therapist today and left a message that I need to make an appointment. No return calls yet. If I have to call her again tomorrow I will tell her it's an emergency.

I have no one to talk to at all. My friends are few and far away and sick; there are fewer friends every month. My daughter is seriously ill. I cannot sleep but I have called to make a doctor's appt., think I may need some hormones. I am alone except for this forum. I am elderly but I feel like a little kid, a tiny little girl who is stuttering. Stuttering because my parents treated me so badly, made me work for them in their business when I was way too young and very scared. There was no love there. I am stuck and I don't know how to get out of this awful place.

Please help. I welcome any advice or ideas. This is all new to me because I just recently realized these truths about myself and my family being autistic. I wish I had known earlier in my life. Or would it have made any difference? What can make a difference?