You know what? You just described a pretty typical experience with an eating disorder: you feel helpless, and you don't know what to do. I hope it's reassuring to know that you're not alone.

As for what to do now, the easy answer is "get help" -- the more difficult question is how to find it. If you mean college when you say school, then there should be a student health center on campus, which can help you or at least point you in the right direction. If it's high school, then head to the guidance counselor. Find someone, a teacher, a counselor, someone whom you trust, someone you can ask for help. And then do it. Ask for help.

It's easy to talk yourself out of admitting what you're doing, and avoid actually asking for help. You want an idea of how easy it is? I'm 40 and have been starving myself on and off for almost thirty years now. I started seeing a new psychiatrist a couple of months ago, and tried to tell him that I was starving myself -- but couldn't quite do it. I could only tell him that I "restricted my eating", and he had to question me for about ten minutes before he finally figured out what I was trying to report -- anorexia. And I WANTED to get help, I WANTED to ASK for help. Think of how much more difficult it might have been if I hadn't wanted help, or if I'd been embarrassed to ask?

The other thing it would be in your interest to do is to see if there are any support groups in your area. I've found a number of sites that list eating disorder support groups, and that's likely to help you a good deal. If there are none around you, try a group like AA, NA, or Overeaters Anonymous. While the outward manifestations are different, the underlying problems are quite similar. You might also do well to find a dietitian in your area who has experience with eating disorders, and a good therapist.

Here's a piece of advice that comes from my heart: Get help now, and don't put it off. As I said, I've been fighting this beast for almost thirty years now, and I wish so much that someone had been there for me to ask for help way back then. Think of all the years of pain I could have avoided. In my case, anorexia is bad enough. The repeated bouts of starvation, with the weight gain from anti-depressants between episodes, has a negative impact on one's body. Bulimia, though, can do major damage to many systems in a relatively short time.

By the way, the out of control part? I do not binge, per se, but it sure feels as if I do to me. Some days, I'll start eating, and not be able to stop. Now, in my case, I'm probably eating less than a normal meal for a normal person, but I am still feeling out of control. Eating more than I want, more than my stomach can handle at one time. It's miserable. I'm sorry that you're experiencing somehting like this so frequently, and hope that it works out well for you.

Good luck.