Dear T,

The closer we get to termination, the stronger my feelings of resistance feel. I wish I had control over the timing of this...but at the same time, I understand that it's probably the best possible time for us to be wrapping things up, considering where I'm at. Funny how it worked out that way. Five years of college...and here we are, at the end of it.

Here's the thing, T, and you know this because I've outright said it twice now, but I don't want to work with anyone else. I don't want to meet someone new and rehash all of the work we've done. You said today that it is completely possible that I might meet someone who is even better at this than you are, but as far as I'm concerned, nobody is better at knowing me than you are...except for me.

At any rate, don't expect the tears to just stop now that they've started. I've never cried for two sessions in a row before. It took me three years to cry at all, and of all the things I have to cry about...missing you, having to stop seeing you...this is somehow the thing that brings the tears to the surface.

Not that I'm surprised. You are, after all...a very special human being.

And relationships are my number one priority.

I will miss you so much, T. More than I think I will know how to deal with. I'm scared. How do I do this without you?

You're so convinced that I will find a way and that it will be the best way. I wish I could feel that, too.

All I feel is how much I love you and how much it's going to hurt to know that we will never see one another again.

I will miss shaking your hand...and the way you hold on just a little longer than I do after a particularly hard session. I will miss the faces you make and the way you let curse words slip out occasionally and apologize afterward. I will miss your go-to idioms and the way your nose scrunches up when I realize something you hadn't thought about. I will miss hearing you say, "It's okay to feel what you feel". I will miss laughing about the fact that in our three years of work together, I've only seen you wear a different outfit a handful of times.

I will miss everything I know about you...because you are good and kind and you have helped me so much more than I think you will ever, ever know.

Who would have thought I could be reached by someone? I didn't.

Thank you, T.

Now help me let you go.