Hi Black-roses,

My heart goes out to you.

I am sorry you feel so alone.

This can feel very compounded by the fact that your family is in a different country. I have a close friend going through similar feelings. Her family is far away. She sees them once a year, although they interact a lot on Skype and on "Line," and even via "Facetime."

In her case, people have been very accepting and very inclusive. She is reticent to be as open with them as most are toward her. She isolates. She seems to suffer from depression, social anxiety and very low self-esteem, despite the fact that people really enjoy her and are genuine in their desire to include her. Her chronic failure to act like she has any interest in return sometimes eventually puts an end to the many invitations, as people feel she just does not want to be invited. Yet, when I talk with her, she feels alienated and alone. It becomes a vicious cycle for her. She does not see or accept the fact that people truly want to include her.

Often, especially in this current day society, home is "within."
We learn to be at home with ourselves, as opposed to home being a physical place or location. I find this more helpful than thinking of a specific location as being "home." As long as I have myself, I am at "home."

Do you work with a therapist?
Is this something you discuss with him/her?

I hope you will feel more included, more accepted, more involved, soon.
I think a lot, for each of us, involves getting to a place of self-acceptance, being willing to show others who we really are, sharing ourselves with others, being open and vulnerable. If we feel badly about ourselves, we tend to isolate despite the invitations to join in with others, etc.

If you do experience depersonalization and other dissociative symptoms, isolation will only compound these experiences. We can "ground" ourselves better with distractions (away) from dissociative experiences. We can distract ourselves from these old no longer needed, defense mechanisms, and we can learn to enjoy ourselves in the Present Moment!

Some advise a "fake it until you make it" type of an approach to feeling okay with socializing. I think this approach works for some and doesn't work as well for others. Forcing ourselves out of our comfort zone can be helpful and healthy, as long as we are not going against any of our inner values in doing so. Going to a gathering when we feel anxious or down about ourselves, rather than isolating, is an example of "faking it until you make it." We follow through with behaviors which override our habitual responses and, often, our habitual responses change into ones which better tolerate inclusion and more social participation.

I hope something I have shared might be helpful somewhere along your path.

Life goes by quickly. You deserve to experience, to share in the love, the fun, the joy, the overall inclusion and mutual support available in society. Please continue to seek help in finding your way to the many, many rewards available to us in this life on Earth. I think you will be glad you did!

In Support of You,
WC