Oh wow, dealing with a MIL like that must be awful -- especially since it's your husband's mother and there's that whole dynamic he grew up with at play.

And yes, what you are describing sounds very much like what my mother was like when I first moved out. Constant contact. Always wanting to drop something off, have me go pick something up or do something at her house. She had keys to my house and would come do laundry and dishes, unasked, unwanted. I had to cut off all communication with her for a while.

It's too bad it has to be all or nothing, but since it seems it's only one or the other, I'm going to go with nothing.