My H is very rigid. HE is tired after work, I get that. The response we get from him often that "This is why I never go anywhere with yall" or "Yall ruin everything" is very common from him. I don;t think it will be a phrase he will use again after working with the T. But I do think the attitude that goes with those phrases will still exist.

Dealing with little kids can sometimes suck. Do they have to potty at inconvient times, do they get car sick, do they spill stuff, yes they do. It is a fact of life and any one who deals with kids knows that. My H is more like a weekend dad. (when we were married) The kids are mine all week and it is up to ma to make them be quiet, be respectful, chew with there mouth closed, tell nice jokes, don't touch anything in stores and such when we are together on weekends.

Now that we are separate and working on things, the kids see less of him and he wants to hear them giggle and sing, and tell dumb jokes. But when things start to interrupt his wishes it is not good, and I jsut don;t want that to happen again. I don;t want to get 20 miles from home and he decide...... The fire works went off late, the display lasted longer then I wanted it to, the traffic is terrible upon leaving, and now someone has to go to the bathroom and someone does't feel well because they are tired. Well guess what I'm tired to, I've been at work all day, so buck up and shut it." That is the wrong attitude for any parent to have, and I do not want to be stuck in a car with him and 3 kids for 20 min, trying to protect them from his verbal garbage.

I was trying to say to him, if you can;t go and be nice and be patient, then don;t go. Do you think you can do that. I wanted to give him a clear guideline of what was expected and I agree with you Wild Coyote it is a shame to have to explain that to an adult.

Quote:by Wild Coyote: Have you and your husband gone out on dates during this time, just to have some idea of how things go between you both without the children present, etc.? It may be you two just do not resonate with one another anymore, which is something that would become very apparent if/when you were to spend time alone, without the children or others around you. End Quote.

We have as part of out T. We have had date nights in order to reclaim some of that lost love kinda stuff. With no kids around, and an agreement to talk about the kids a minimal amount, we get along fine. He is not how he used to be there either. He is much more pleasent.

I will tell you what he used to say and do and what he does now in an attempt to show he has changed in a positive way.

We used to go out to eat and he would say ok, there is X amount of $$. So you keep yours under this amount. If you let her eat off you plate we will not have to pay for her anything to eat and the boys can share a meal. So I get reduced to butter noodles and chicken strips so that little bitty can eat to, while I really wanted shrimp or a small steak. The boys get a sampler so that at least both of them get a little of what they want and we all drink water, but he gets a 15 oz steak with a baked potato and hey can we jsut add a skewer of shrimp, and he'll have tea to drink.

Then we all have to worry that teh food will not get eaten, or someone will scratch there fork on there plate, or someone will drop a noodle.

That was then. NOW it is we go were we can afford, the last time we went out he actually told me Get what ever you want. When I ordered water, he said DO YOU REALLY WANT WATER. So I got tea, what I really wanted. He planned a nice meal for me at outback, made reservations and everything. We had a nice conversation, it was good. When it is he and I no kids things go very well.