Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday107
You should not go back now. I do not think you should reconcile. Period. I think he cannot or will not change. He is extremely abusive to you and sometimes to the kids. He appears to be treading water during your couples counseling to appear loving and willing to change - but he's not doing a good job. I feel very confident that he unfortunately will not change.
Frankly, I'm worried that the abuse will escalate if you reconcile. I think he will unleash his wrath on you and punish you for you leaving. I think you are very fragile and damaged by this man and that you could sink further - and then remain in this abusive, toxic marriage and be too scared to leave ever again.
I think your children are hurting as the marital household is toxic. If they aren't scared of him, they are angry at him by the way he treats you and his poor relationship with them. They would flourish in a calm, loving household. They would experience what you have experienced during your time away. Peace. Not being scared or bullied. Safe.
Stay in individual therapy. You need that after everything you've been through.
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I donlt kno what to do. He has made a lot of positive changes, that is for sure. But I am still very untrusting, and for good reason as you mention above.
My oldest child is going off to collage by the time I get back. That reduces the stress level some. My H has learned a lot about parenting and humanizing. So I do feel a littel better. I have the middle kid in T as well, and I am considering putting the littlest one in T as well.
I fear that he will hold this separation stuff over my head and make it harder to leave. But I do have my T. And she has said she wants us to continue to see her a a couple every week for at least 6 months. She also wants to continue see me individually for at least 6 months and for a while after that when we quit marriage T. She needs to make sure I am not slipping back into old habits, or that things are getting worse then she thinks they will. So I feel confident I will at least be ok in that regard.
We have a back up plan in place should he not be the nice person I thought I was going back to. One can never know someone elses true motives, even the T.