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Originally Posted by rainyday107
I married a narcissist and when we divorced, our attorneys communicated and I felt safer and so much less stressed. It was expensive but worth every penny for my attorney to advocate for me as I was too passive and scared to stand up for myself. Because I wasn't allowed to assert myself during my marriage, like yours. I literally felt brainwashed from all the abuse over the years. Severe emotional abuse where he had all the control and demeaned me regularly. I was a shell of the confident woman I used to be. That confidant woman is back and she is happy...I have healed and my child is flourishing and happier.
Last thing which I think you already know....you cannot be in the same house with him during the divorce. Most women have the husband move out of the marital home. I did not do that. I had to escape. He kept the marital home and paid me my share of equity.
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I left in Sept. Two lawyers said whatever you do don;t leave your home. One was so stupid as to even say you will be married X amount of years and if you can stay 3 more years you will get life time alimony. When I asked him are you saying Stay 3 more years in an abusive relationship for $$. He said yes, you'd be crazy not to. HE WAS THE REAL CRAZY ONE.
I chose the wises lawyer, he said your house is just stuff, if you do not have your life then even stuff want help. Leave, you will really lose out, but you will be so much happier and that is what really matters. Money is jsut money, but safety and happiness are everything. Never thought I would hear those words from a lawyer.
I left my home, and took the kids. I moved me and 3 kids into my parents basement. Not a shining moment, but I was happy. Seperating made a huge impact on my. I saw for the first time how restrictive things were with him. I can only hope they change.
Like I said I do have a back up plan, several actually to fit different situations that have been worked out and well planned by the T and me.
Thank you again for your kindness and for sharing part of your story.