my parents and friends, or even my boyfriend's friends sometimes say my boyfriend is overly jealous, but i dont know if i should believe that this is the whole problem that makes me depressed.

we are together for around 8 months. by jealous/possesive they mean stuff like: he wants to know every of my conversasions. i hide stuff from him because if i show him he starts thinking stuff, for example: i told his friend his coverphoto (which showed him) was cute. i know it's bad, but it's not the worst thing you can do. he noticed i hid it, so i was forced to show him. we were argueing for 2 days. i was surprised it didn't take so long this time, because mostly it goes on for 2 weeks.

this whole relationship makes me feel these stuff:
- he doesnt trust me.
- im never good enough (like, i can't be quiet for a minute, otherwise i start feeling like i'm as his exes who never gave him attention)
sometimes he tells me im the most clingy person he ever met so i dont have to worry about it, but i have to keep this up.
before, people hated that i was clingy, now, i have to be.
when i don't reply for 10 min, he asks why i am so sick of him.
- im ALWAYS to blame (i tell him alot that it feels like he's blaming me and doesnt want to understand my view of the argument. but when i tell this to him, he says it isn't true, and that he's just telling me what's bothering him, and that i have to listen to him, because i went over the line for not saying hi to him when i come back from school for example)
- im confused of what to think. i don't understand if i'm just being stubborn and don't want to admit if i am wrong, or if he's wrong doing this? or maybe there is no wrong and right in this case? what am i supposed to think? everyone just tells me he's wrong, and should stop his possesive behaviour, but what if believing them is just unfair to him? maybe i should just understand him better, but for some reason something stops me from trying to believe and understand him instead of others. i'm inbetween, i don't believe either of them. i don't know what to think.

he says im only telling them part of the story. i don't do it on purpose and he says he knows that. but i am really bad in explaining i guess. can't help that sadly.

i don't know if this is the reason im depressed since im depressed since i was around 13/14. and i'm almost 18 now. i talked with someone today and told her about me feeling like i don't really feel the connection between me and friends, family, or my boyfriend. i don't feel close to them. some people i talk easier to than others, but that's it. i also feel happy if they do something for me, and thank them. i hoped this relationship would make me feel better. maybe it does, but it's hard to tell. i just feel unmotivated to do anything. still i try, but no matter how much years i try, it makes no difference. everything is boring. when i took a treatment, people got impatient of me.

still, i wanna feel better. im sure this isn't something that everyone feels, otherwise the whole planet would have killed themselves already.

reasons i feel like this could be:
- my boyfriend.
- the fact i barely have friends, only 2 online friends and friends of my boyfriend. still, those friends aren't that close. and everytime i open my phone i hope there's a message from someone else than my boyfriend, like my game project or something (i want to be a game artist after i finished my education), or a friend who likes to talk to me, or in the best case: some of my friends from when i was 13 who wants to come over. but nope.
- i'm just too insecure to talk to people.
- i feel like i NEED to make sense, NEED to be interesting, etc.

maybe i rather believe other people that my boyfriend is possesive, and that that's the reason i feel like this everyday, because that'd mean if i break up with him, this feeling is gone. (i don't want to break up with him, one day he asked me to make a deal: if this happend once again, i could break up wiht him. but i was scared. i couldnt agree)

i'm tired of everything. i don't want to show anyone, i did before. the only people who wanted to give me support were people from clinic, and they constantly post stuff on facebook about being depressed, cutting themselves, etc which starts to seem like attention seeking too. i want to seem like the happy person of 13, who could make jokes, and wasn't so serious. i still try, but if it only went naturally.

note: i'm not even sure if i think this all, im just dropping down what i feel, and please don't take everything as facts.

if ANYONE has any advice or thoughts, i'd be happy to take it.