Hello Celest Stone: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in such a confusing & difficult situation. My spouse & I have been married a similar number of years to yours. So I have at least some small sense of what this must be like. I'm afraid I don't have much of anything to offer in the way of suggestions. It sounds to me as though this is a marriage that has simply come to a final painful end. It may simply be time to bring it to an end legally. From what you wrote, it sounds as though the man you married no longer exists. And the one who took his place is not someone you can, or should, be expected to tolerate. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you after so many years. But it is what it is, I fear. So I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find your way through this most difficult situation.