Lithium has some pretty severe long term side effects. They need to monitor you very closely. I have the same health phobias as you. When my doctor prescribed lamictal, he said, "do not Google pictures of the rash". I followed directions for about a week, took the med, then googled the images and stopped immediately. Lithium did not work for me, but it's a life saver for some. Just make sure to get the blood tests. It's worth trying as what you are dealing with sounds terrible and life threatening. Good luck on your decision. (((Hugs)))