I certainly have not experienced this level of abuse, but one thing's for certain, all abusers sing the same songs, and your hubby is still singing that same old tune.

My ex didn't have the comfort of a personal slave, but he liked having the "trophy gf" and loved the power of keeping me under his thumb.


The abuse was so subtle and systematic I didn't recognize it until after it became physical.



Even so, there were times I would threaten to leave (mostly due to his drug use and possessive ways) and he would "work" on himself, promise to change and for all intents and purposes after a few months (at a time) I was convinced change was happening (as you are now) and then I would listen to his bullshyt about loving and needing me, and being a better man... So I declare the relationship back on track, and then GUESS WHAT?

Just as I let my guard down and enjoy the new bf, out comes the abusive azzhole who was just hiding behind "Mr. Changed Man", to keep me.

Wash rinse and repeat cycle.

Anyway, enough about me.

Here's where your hubby comes in.

I'm really sorry to have to say so, but I have ZERO faith in a happy union with your husband.

And its not because I am projecting, if your OP actually contained decent qualities and proper examples of improvement I would be screaming "RECONCILE!"

But as it so happens, your OP still puts your husband in a very negative light. Just a different negative.

He is acting the part of changed man, just to get you back where he wants you. That's probably why he got so upset during a simple talk about being patient... I would bet money it had nothing to do with the kids. His patience is wearing thin on your disappearing act, he wants you back so his life can return to normal, so he can quit acting, because facades are hard work. And yes, unfortunately normal includes abusing you.

He's still an abuser my friend, just better dressed, a wolf in sheep's clothing, give him the time and opportunity and he'll reveal himself.

I know you can't or won't really fathom divorce right now, so my advice is to just keep doing what you're doing, don't put anymore deadlines on your separation, and slowly but surely you'll come to the right decision.


You will ultimately do what's best for you and your children, he will ultimately tire of playing nice without any reward in sight.