I haven't been on here for a while, but I'm guessing there are still a few members on here that will remember me. For those of you who don't know me and my history, I will try and give you the history without boring you completely.

I was with my ex (who displays a lot of narcissistic traits and I've been told by a close friend of his that she even thought he was a womaniser etc) for 4 years on and off. When he was up and things were going well for him, we were fine, but when he lost his license and job (due to drink driving) he would shut off and as a result he would break things off. I accepted him back three times and the last time he was so convincing and saying he wanted me to be the mother of his children and marry me etc etc. The last time we split up was in September 2014 (just after he lost his job and license)
Eventually, I went on to date other people and I have had strong feelings for one other person since, but my ex and I have always kept in touch to this day. I have tried many times to move on and not keep in contact, but he has always got back in contact with me.
I didn't know this at the time, but in about April 2014 He met a girl in the US whilst he was buying a place out there (with money he had inherited) but he came back to me in May 2014 confessing his undying love and wanting me back. He then split up with me a third and final time in September 2014 (as mentioned above) but I'm beginning to piece it all together and think it was probably to do with her and not just the fact he lost his job etc. Obviously they live about 3000 miles away from each other and have probably spent about 3 months together if you add up all the two week holidays they've had together. He started to put pictures up on Facebook of them as a couple etc in April last year and that was hard to see. However, in Decemver of last year, I felt like my world had been torn apart when I saw on Facebook that he had asked her to marry him. This sounds so pathetic (and embarrassing) but I remember seeing it on my phone, alone and I just felt like collapsing and the tears did not stop falling. I felt like crying out 'why?!' He always said that he was afraid of commitment and it just sealed it for me that it was obviously me all along and it's not him and his commitment issues.
I contacted him when I found out and he said that he was so worried about telling me and that I was always have a place in his heart.
Since then he has been contacting me pretty much monthly and asking to see me occasionally (Last time I saw him was October 2015) A few months ago, he was asking me to be his plus one at a wedding! Anyway, about a month ago he went on holiday with his fiancé and apparently she was looking for some songs on his phone and saw a photo of me so she insisted that he stop talking to me. I said that I understood and we didn't talk for about two weeks and then I got a text from him saying that the sun was shining and therefore he's thinking of me and loads of kisses etc. I chose to ignore it and then I get another text at about 10am a week later saying 'hey Madame, how come you're so quiet. Text me back I miss you' I know I shouldn't have replied but I text him back and said that I didn't text back because his fiancé had said she didn't was us talking anymore and he said that it didn't matter what she said! He was texting me all through the day and then he ended up calling me in the evening and we spoke for about 2 hours. He was saying how much he loves me (which I know he obviously doesn't otherwise he'd be marrying me), that he loved hearing my voice and that he wants to see me. He was saying things that didn't put his fiancé in a good light and how it's so tough, as unfortunately he's lost another job and she isn't very understanding. However, after all that he still says that he's getting married next summer and that it's set and can't be changed.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I still love him so much and I just don't want him to get married. I am literally dreading August next year and The next big news after the wedding, like she's pregnant. I have always longed for a family and dreamed of us having children - it will destroy me. I don't feel he deserves to be happy as he lies and messes with my feelings. I just don't get why he keeps coming back into my life and doesn't leave me alone and concentrate on his fiancé. I guess she's 3000 miles away so it's easy to text me when she's not around, but he's said that he wants us to be friends even when she comes over to live here next year.

I just so wish I could move on and forget him, but as stupid as this sounds, I still hope and pray that one day it won't work out and he'll realise what he lost - stupid I know.

I'm so sorry for the long post I just needed to write it all down and hope that someone can help me.

Xxx


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