I'm a 37 year old male. I ve had death fantasies since early teens
Not my death or homicidle fantasies but just death scenes.
I went through physical, mental and sexual abuse as a child
I am seeking treatment as of now but I'm looking for other people that have the types of thoughts I do or similar ones anyway. 4 months ago I went extremely manic and it lead to leaving the house from my girlfriend and children because I get extremely aggressive and verbally cruel. I started isolating and the mania and violent thoughts have went out of control. The death scenes have moved towards homicidle fantasies. Being a abused child from a close relative it's always directed towards predators now. Part of my problem is I'm starting to get a feeling of peace thinking about hurting the type of monsters that steal the innocence from children and create life long scars. I'm being completely vague in my details on here, the things I think of are disturbing and have had me kicked out of other forums. I do fear a monster has created a monster and it tries to break loose during my manic times. I ve never been manic this long nor have I walked such a thin line between fantasy and reality. I just wondering who else out there fears their own actions when getting obsessed in thought