Hello! It's a pleasure to meet you.

I understand how confusing and strange it can be to lose others. I know I haven't experienced what you have, but I can tell it has caused you a lot of grief and relief, in a way? There are very mixed emotions. I've had people leave me before. Part of me was hurt that they'd leave, but another part of me was happy that they were able to move on and continue with their lives.

So, I think I get the feeling you're describing. Even so. Sometimes people come and go. Friends leave, off to do new things. Nothing lasts forever. But here's how I see it. It's about the journey, not the destination. While I am hurt that my friends ended up leaving, I'm happy about all the times I shared with them. Does that make sense?

I know I don't know you. But from what you described, your behavior isn't weak. You aren't a bad person, nor a lesser person because you're afraid of losing others. I think that's normal, honestly. Yes, it's easy to admire people for having qualities that you don't, like shutting their emotions off and tossing people away. But is that really a good thing? Is throwing a person away with no regret an admirable trait? I don't believe so. I don't think it's strong, I think that's lacking empathy. Empathy makes people human. What you're feeling right now, all of this mixed emotions, frustration, guilt, and relief; that's what makes you human. It's a natural reaction to everything that's happened to you. From what you've said, you've been through a lot. So, it's only natural that you'd act out during certain occasions. I wouldn't blame you at all.

Even so. I hope you feel better soon.

Have a wonderful day.