I'm so sorry for all that happened to you. Abandonment can really screw with the way we think and feel.

As a mother, I would sooner live in a dumpster with my teenager rather than abandon her for any reason. I don't know all the circumstances, or what your behavior was like before you were 15, but still you were abandoned by your mother.

I think how you feel makes you neither a better or worse person. I think your feelings got reversed because you feel such pain and humiliation for wanting and needing to be loved.

You were the child. You did nothing wrong. Even if your behavior was horrible, you must have been pushed to become that way by abuse.