Anna, you were strong enough to be able to meet her needs when you were at a stage of life when you, the child, were supposed to be receiving nurturing and support and care, not being compelled to give it. As a child you were biologically designed, as are all children, to cling and to receive care. You cling today because you never received the care you needed and deserved. But your writing in this thread clearly shows intelligence and insight. You had the strength to develop these even in the absence of parental support and even when you were being compelled to be a de facto caregiver.

You speak several times of how your behavior drove people away. My guess is that you had an overwhelming need to know whether you could trust people after your mother abandoned you. This overwhelming need led you to test those near you with your behavior. Could you dare to trust them? Would they stay and love you and care for you even if you misbehaved?