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Old Jun 29, 2016, 12:28 AM
Anonymous49852
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
Anna, you were strong enough to be able to meet her needs when you were at a stage of life when you, the child, were supposed to be receiving nurturing and support and care, not being compelled to give it. As a child you were biologically designed, as are all children, to cling and to receive care. You cling today because you never received the care you needed and deserved. But your writing in this thread clearly shows intelligence and insight. You had the strength to develop these even in the absence of parental support and even when you were being compelled to be a de facto caregiver.

You speak several times of how your behavior drove people away. My guess is that you had an overwhelming need to know whether you could trust people after your mother abandoned you. This overwhelming need led you to test those near you with your behavior. Could you dare to trust them? Would they stay and love you and care for you even if you misbehaved?

I did things that were wrong. I did them to get my needs met and get the attention I needed. Emotionally I have the same needs as a child and people don't understand that so I tried to do things in a way people understood to get what I needed. People have told me how smart I am in the pass as a way to dismiss my needs so I do not like being smart.

One time in a psychiatric hospital, the kind that bully people, I had a meltdown and I couldnt control it. Later a social worker told me I was too smart for it and accused me of manipulation. But I honestly was so upset I couldn't help it.

So in the past I have needed to translate myself to others as a way to make them unde rs tand. I can change who I am at any second and then they leave.

I decided last time I will never go to a hospital again. I don't want to be miunderstood by them anymore because I'm smart.
Hugs from:
Anonymous59898, BeaFlower, Bill3, Ceridwen18
Thanks for this!
Bill3