I am indebted to this forum - you have no idea how these responses are helping me think through.

@sophiesmom, @Steiner of Thule
thank you for sharing your thoughts - my mind tells me to divorce her *** in a jiffy and come back to my clean sorted life. But when I think about the divorce and how it impacts my kids and my own life, don't see lot of good coming my way either.

@Strive4Health
- yes, she has asked for forgiveness and full support. She has offered and shared all her social website passwords etc and hopes this will help me build trust. She feels we can do this lifelong.
- she admits she was in the wrong and that she got selfish
-she has discontinued the catching-up and et others know that has been busted and that they don't talk to her again.
- emotional affair was to an extent where she is freely sharing things about our family with all three. She maintains these engagements were for emotional gratification but I could see her disappointment when one of the guys got married - she felt she won't be craved further(from her diary).

@Michelea agree, trusting her again should be difficult but my heart strongly feels I can already and I totally want to. To add context from past - we know each other from 14 years and have strong connection. I am all over her diaries from the past(yeah past!). Wondering if that counts?

@Crazy Hitch
I do feel I have the upper hand in this situation. She will go with whatevet and however I want to fix it. She even gave-in to my physically disabling the guys idea although she strongly felt it was wrong and I that I am not thinking clearly.

What has she done to the family! Why!