*** Trigger Warning ***
*** Trigger Warning ***
*** Trigger Warning ***
I cannot be sure this will trigger anyone. However, I want to be considerate.
I am sharing a situation with Big Mama in this post. It is an unpleasant one.
Please take good care of yourself at all times.
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Hi Big Mama,
You've been on my mind.
I think you will find "time" is on your side. By this, I mean, some of the aspects you find somewhat "confusing" right now may all become clearer with time.
In relating the story about my friend, I did not mean to suggest your therapist is projecting. I do not get that feeling from what you write about her. She seems to have patience and seems to genuinely care. She also seems to clearly voice her concerns and give you the room to make decisions, which is very balanced and very healthy.
Again, we all have to live with these decisions. Our own lives are impacted, not the lives of the therapists.
I also feel so many here have amazing insights and do care deeply for your welfare. Wonderful people have written here in support of you.
Again, time. More time will show you more about yourself and more about your husband and more about how you both interact together.
Do you keep a journal? Just wondering. Sometimes journals can help us to recall and to further process. Keeping a journal helped me to get some desperately needed help when I was once in an abusive relationship.
I will share with you:
I had dated a guy for a couple of years. As soon as we were engaged, he quickly became very abusive. When I had changed jobs, where he no longer had me working in the same hospital with him, it became a nightmare. It was so insidious and then eventually truly dangerous.
He was initially very "sneaky" in his ways. He knew just how to make it look like he was not doing anything wrong and told everyone I was just "off the wall" with my questions and concerns. It was his official public opinion that: I was "off the wall," yet he wanted to desperately remain engaged -- and was pressuring me to elope in order to marry as soon as possible?
He was a psychiatric nurse practitioner and 12 years older, which makes quite a difference when I was just 20 y.o. It became all so crazy-making for me that, at times, I often could not recall all that had happened. I was, at times, terrified of him and of this threats toward me and my welfare. I was in shock about how he could act and what he would say to me, making very serious and graphic threats to me. How could this man have a career showing compassion to people and be like this in his private life? I had seen how he was with clients, that was a part of what made me think he was truly deeply compassionate.
We were work colleagues. Many of our mutual friends also knew him through work. They did not believe me when I told them about the threats he was making to my life. The kicker was : I had a hard time believing it all, too.
Once I had started documenting/journaling, keeping his notes to me tucked in the journal, etc. -- THEN it all made sense. I kept the journal and all of his notes and more -- hidden. He had no idea the journal existed.
I took it all to a psychiatrist who was able to help me to process it all and was also able to help me to get out, no matter what my ex-fiancé was saying to me or what he was doing to make it all look like he was sorry, etc.
The journal helped me to recall/recount much that was too scary to me to fully recall otherwise. It also helped me to remember just how frightened I had become at times and all I had gone through.
There is more. More I won't share here. It had become a nightmare, like something we'd see on television or in the movie. The journal not only kept me fully oriented to/aware of all that had gone on, it also gave additional evidence to a judge who then issued a lifetime restraining order against him.
Suffice to say, the journal helped to save my life.
I am not implying you are in the same kind of danger. I have no idea, really.
I am saying keeping a journal helped me to gain more objectivity and also assisted others in helping me to the degree I'd needed their help/protection.
Both time and a journal helped me tremendously. 
We are all here for you.
May you feel Loved and Supported at all times.
Heart-to-Heart,
WC