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bpdsufferer said:
i have read both of those books and they were helpful becuase i felt like i was not alone in this and that it is not all in my head. What i am really looking for when reading these kind of books is a road map out of this illness, i have yet to find it .
Linda

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You might try the books of Marsha Linehan. I have not read them, but here is what one reader reviewer on Amazon says of "Skills Training Manual for Borderline Personality Disorder":

I suffer from borderline personality disorder, and the content of this book has been a great help when dealing with my emotional disability. I love this book because it focuses on "treating" the disorder, whereas other books' focuses are often the cause of the disorder or pathology of it. The positive attitude of facing the real issues of those who suffer from borderline personality disorder is encouraging. I can see the author's deep understanding of the disorder, and I appreciate her efforts to explain what the probrems [sic] really are and how to deal with them.

From the reviews I have read about Linehan's books, and from the references I have seen, it appears to me that she is one of the leading researchers and clinicians in the field. I am a little leery of the workbook approach of the book, and I also feel I have probably developed a lot of the techniques independently for myself. Her therapy has been named as "Dialectical Behavior Therapy" (DBT) so you might look that up too.