Oh Wild Coyote, hugs,hugs, hugs. That is all I can say. That is terrible. I think we both fully understand how serious this is. As do many here that life has been so unkind to. We do have to count our blessings and push forward as hard as it may be sometimes. It appears we have all done just that.

I ment to respond earlier to your post about the T who was swayed by the things going on in her personal life. I had one of those two, and she made it quite difficult to move forward with her stuff wrapped up in mine. As it turned out God was protecting my family, she had to have a surgery and the recovery time took longer than expected and she had came to us threw a government agency so she was limited to a 6 month timeline with us and time simply ran out.

The T we have now is very good. She specializes in trauma's and PTSD. Which is right up my ally. My H and I started with her as a Marriage Counselor. But it turned into me needing to deal with my past. (rape, and child sexual abuse, and maybe even spousal abuse) I worked threw my past, and I still am, your past never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. Then when things got more manageable we started back with the MC (marriage Counseling). We did MC several times throughout because several things came up, becasue that is what happens when the abuse triggers thoguts of rapeand CSA. (Child sexual abuse)

I work on my stuff only one day a week with the T, and then my H and I work with the T one day a week on MC kind stuff.

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Do I journal? Yes I do. I have learned a lot about journaling. IT can be so much more helpful then just record keeping and thoughts. With the help of my T she has showed me how to get the most out of my journaling experience. To involve every sense possible. I just a pencil, you can feel the lead scratch on the paper. I use the cheap recycled paper kinda notebooks, it has a smell sometimes but mainly because it is scratcher. The more sences you involve the greater the recall and the greater the ability to express yourself.

I have learned that it is ok to switch back and forth between cursive and print when writing. Teachers would flip out at that notion, but from a therapeutic writing standpoint it is the difference in the right brain and the left brain thinking. One style is the left and the other the right. IT helps the T to see when my brain is talking from a place a reality and current stuff and a place of triggered PTSD memories and feelings. When I go back and look at it is quite cool to see that switch first hand.

I do journal and it is mainly a way to keep my mind clear. I have so much turmoil living inside of me, and being able to put it on paper and explore it threw words and feelings and it be safe because it is mine helps so much. I can put it in a notebook and there it will live gently folded into the confines of a notebook instead of in my mind. I can give my thoughts and feelings words in a place it is safe to do so.

I share my journal every week with my T. She can see how my mind is working through things. She suggests I keep a journal for myself separate from the one I share with her. Though the one I share with her is my main journal. She is ok with some things not being for her to see, some thoughts are mine only. She doesn't want the journals to become something that is written for her or to her or swayed by her. I write what I write, and it it is something I do nto want to share then I put it in a separate note book. If it turns out to be an ah-ha moment then I zerox it and attach it in the note book she reads.

That reminds me I have a lot of writing to do today. When my T is unable to keep our appointment and has to cancel or the other the other way around, I am easily held captive by my own thoughts. I have learned it is very wise to write in that journal. My T is sick today so I am missing T this week. That is hard because of hte things I have talked about her with PC friends all week long.

Sorry to go on and on about that. In short I fully recommend journaling. Share it with the T if it is allowed. Journaling works wonders.