When you say you have been separated for three years, do you mean you are actually separated (not living together) or are you just living separately in the same house? Either is challenging, to be sure.

I was separated for 3 years (not living together) before my divorce became final 2 years ago. My adult son graduated from college and has a good job, but is living with me (and paying some rent and expenses) until he pays off his student loans. He comes and goes (and is very considerate) but I know that helps me tremendously, because I was lonely at times.

However, even at my loneliest, being TOTALLY alone for those three years, I had SO MUCH MORE PEACE because I was not walking on eggshells all the time in my own home. So first of all, if you are "separated" but still living together, I would say to try to do whatever you can to find a place where you can be safe. Then, feelings of loneliness are absolutely normal and will be very common at first. During those times, find thine things to do that you enjoy. One of my favorite things that I valued was that I could watch any TV show I wanted. I could stay up late and read. I could go to bed whenever I wanted. If I didn't feel like cooking, I didn't have to. Those may seem like dumb things, but they came to mean FREEDOM to me and I learned to value them. When the blues washed over me, (as they often did and still do), I stop and think of the things that I do have…my safety, my freedom, peace with not having to worry about a volatile relationship…and great family and friends.

I hope that you can get safe first and foremost. When my dad was cheating on my mom (they eventually got divorced), she used to say, "If I'm going to be lonely, then I should learn to be alone." I think staying in a relationship where someone is disrespecting you like that, with no intent of changing and when he does not care how much he is hurting you, is worse than being alone, in the end. You deserve better!

It is time to learn to love yourself again Best of luck to you!