I throw this out at you considering how long this has gone on.
Point one: over several years, she has done this, not with one man, but many. She has done this with forethought and planning and was the one that instigated, you said. This is not the sign of an emotionally distraught, abandoned woman acting. This is a cheater through and through and she wanted her fun at home and in her second life that was hidden.
Which brings me to point two: she blames it on you for not being there or heck it really doesn't matter what she used as excuses to do what she did, because frankly she would have done it anyway and probably will again when things cool down. Thing is, the cheaters in some cases do it for reasons that hve to do with love life at home etc. but in those cases where they really do care about their spouse, it's either an emotional affair or it is a one time thing and they have remorse over it. In this case I don't even see how she can feel bad about what she's done, since it's a repeated act and she only feels bad for being caught, not for what she did.
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Per her diary which I demanded to read, the sex wasn't great and it was more for the guys then for her. Her bargain was the emotional availability of these guys. She used the term 'conquests' for the physical part.
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it was more for the guys? Then why was she the one who, as you put it was egging them on? This is complete BS. Since it's her diary seems to me not only is she deceiving you but in this case she's been deceiving herself into believing it was for them to make it ok or something.
Leave. I personally would not stick around for he to do it again. I can't say how sincere she is about not doing it again but based on the rest of what I've said I'm going to guess as soon as things cool down, she could easily do it again.
Lastly if she's blaming you for her actions.. here's the thing about cheaters. they ALWAYS blame the other person for what they did. Thing is, we are adults, we can make choices for ourselves, other people's behavior never makes us do anything. acting like it's your fault that this happened is like acting like she has no control of herself. hell if that's the case leave her even faster because frankly next time you're not acting right in her eyes, she will have to go out and find someone who will act right and have sex with them. I know it's simplistic but I think that it does kind of drive home my point.