It all started when I left school. I had this phobia where I couldn't stand to be around people and I was scared of the teachers so every now and then I'd stay at home and tell my mother I wasn't feeling to good and she'd let me stay. After a while, I just quit and I started homeschooling. At first, I was hiding from everyone {except my family}. I mean if anyone came to our house, I wouldn't go out to say hello or anything. I was too scared they'd ask me things..like why I quit going to regular school and all that. Then after a while, that went away and I gained some confidence and I could face everyone again. After a while though, I started getting real paranoid and its still going on today. I keep thinking that my family is trying to harm me in some way, especially my mother. So its hard for me to trust her. I also think my parents might be letting other people touch me in some way. I know its really stupid and I hope you guys dont judge me but this is the only place I can say all this without feeling very embarrassed. My parents always reassure me that they'd never do anything like that to me and they love me and how could I even think such things about them. And that makes me realise a bit. I mean, I know this is wrong..I know where I'm going wrong and I can just ignore these thoughts whenever they enter my mind but sometimes its hard. I'll be like "okay, so I'm just paranoid, I need to not think like this but 'what if' my thinking is really true?" it just stresses me out. I sometimes read too much into things. I freak out about small things. Like if someone cracked a mean joke..I could just laugh it off and I do but then it bugs me after a while because I keep thinking about it over and over again and keep thinking that they probably meant it in a different way. Gah, and now I think I have something called "derealization" because I kind of feel like in a dream-state. Its not that bad but I have it and its uncomfortable. I haven't seen a therapist and maybe I should but I mean if I know where I'm going wrong, couldn't I try getting out of all this myself? I doubt its possible but I dont know.

I just wanted to know if any of you have ever experienced anything like this. I'm just looking for some support and what I should do, thanks =).

I'm not sure if I posted this in the right place but I hope so.