It's like I can't see what I'm doing. It's like my body goes on autopilot as I deal with my mind whirling around what happened. Hallucinations are one thing, I can make them go away by ignoring them but the flashbacks....What the hell do I do about those? I'm scared because when it's this bad, like it is right now, I go into this dissociative state where I won't remember what happened or what I did. I feel like it's getting to that point right now but I don't know how to combat it. That's why I'm writing this, in a hope that maybe, if I keep writing I'll be able to stay in the present and not blackout. I don't want to black out and I don't want to relive what happened. It's killing me right now. Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just be okay? Why do I have to be insane?