Yes, it seems the hurt comes from a very young place.

You are so strong though: still, you are trying - however hard you find it.

May I just ask: if you know she loves you, why do you still feel the need for emails saying "love, T"? Forgive me for asking, and I hope I am not speaking out of turn, just genuinely trying to understand. To my mind it's harder to be sure of someone's love. Words, although nice, would only hold a secondary place to the feeling of being truly loved by another. But you seem to have successfully navigated (what I'd consider) the hardest part...