Okay, no idea if this will get posted or not, but this whole series of threads makes me sad.

Rainbow, there is NOTHING wrong with emailing your therapist. Thousands upon thousands of people email their therapists.

I'm kind of tired of watching people make basic contact something pathological. As long as someone isn't emailing 50 times a day, a few emails a week is no big deal. A lot of therapists don't bat an eye over it, and the ones that do, I would never see. They're the lazy ones who want to collect the money for 50 minutes of work and not have to deal with clients any other time.

You have this gut feeling that emailing shouldn't be a big deal, you talk about how you're 'allowed' to have her hold your hand and sit next to you... basically, she has reduced you to a child begging for scraps of attention. No wonder you feel desperate and needy. You're ignoring your own gut instincts, you're being encouraged to put HER needs ahead of your own, nothing is about rainbow and everything is about you trying to work out what she wants (does she want you to email, or not? etc, etc).

True independence comes from interacting with people in an egalitarian way, not freaking out for weeks on end over something as simple as email. There's nothing adult about the way you're being treated.

I see several cases on here where therapists are clearly trying to wean clients off them, before the client is ready. It's BS.

I would dump this therapist and go and find one who isn't trying to shape your behavior in ways you don't even want. (I know you don't want to do that, because you're attached to her) but that attachment is hurting. Far from making you feel strong and independent, you're just sitting there hurting and wishing and... ugh. It's unprofessional - and I think it is far more about her than you.