Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
Okay, no idea if this will get posted or not, but this whole series of threads makes me sad.
Rainbow, there is NOTHING wrong with emailing your therapist. Thousands upon thousands of people email their therapists.
I'm kind of tired of watching people make basic contact something pathological. As long as someone isn't emailing 50 times a day, a few emails a week is no big deal. A lot of therapists don't bat an eye over it, and the ones that do, I would never see. They're the lazy ones who want to collect the money for 50 minutes of work and not have to deal with clients any other time.
You have this gut feeling that emailing shouldn't be a big deal, you talk about how you're 'allowed' to have her hold your hand and sit next to you... basically, she has reduced you to a child begging for scraps of attention. No wonder you feel desperate and needy. You're ignoring your own gut instincts, you're being encouraged to put HER needs ahead of your own, nothing is about rainbow and everything is about you trying to work out what she wants (does she want you to email, or not? etc, etc).
True independence comes from interacting with people in an egalitarian way, not freaking out for weeks on end over something as simple as email. There's nothing adult about the way you're being treated.
I see several cases on here where therapists are clearly trying to wean clients off them, before the client is ready. It's BS.
I would dump this therapist and go and find one who isn't trying to shape your behavior in ways you don't even want. (I know you don't want to do that, because you're attached to her) but that attachment is hurting. Far from making you feel strong and independent, you're just sitting there hurting and wishing and... ugh. It's unprofessional - and I think it is far more about her than you.
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Well, your post to me DID get posted. You have an interesting viewpoint that has some validity, and part of me feels exactly the way you wrote it: what's the big deal about emails anyway? But you're missing the point. It IS a big deal to me because I've always been obsessive about relationships, and have never been able to get over my attachment issues. I'm NOT just sitting and hurting and wishing--if you only knew how I spend my days! I've become much stronger and independent, and by the way, I've seen 5 other Ts and this is the only one I'm making headway with about this issue.
I DO want to be independent, and that's my T's goal for me. It was my goal when I started seeing her, too.
I can't use my T as a friend and email her forever. I'd like to, but I know that allowing that would NOT be professional. It just makes me like her more and more, and want us to have more of a relationship than therapy is supposed to be. I never wanted to admit that, but it's the truth. Emailing friends often is fine, but emailing my T as though she were a friend is NOT. It might work out all right, but maybe not. Maybe she'll move away and not want me to email so much. Maybe she'll die. I have to stop depending on her to be something she's not.
My T answered my emails in detail the first year, and she still would answer if I wrote. It's not at ALL about her needs. She told me she enjoys my emails! It's about what is good for ME, not her. She wouldn't see me for half her price if she cared only about the money. After 6 years, I'm ready to TRY to do something she suggested, which is not to process my sessions via email. I agree with you that I don't see what's wrong with sending her a photo I want to show her, even if it's once a week. I'm going to bring that up with her again.
None of my other Ts allowed email, and they discouraged my calling them as much as I did.
Your post stirred things up but that's all right. I'm still trying out this behavior. It's up to me, my T said. She is not forcing me not to email. It's actually less stressful for me not to expect that one or two line response from her because I know what it's going to say anyway! I feel unsettled until I get it. This way I don't have to worry about it, but I know my T cares about me just the same.