Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
I need some help in understanding something. I wonder what the word 'love' means in the relationship with the therapist. I know, for me, IRL love means connection and ability to connect and usually anytime that's convenient for each person.
I love my friends and even though I may not talk to them or see them much, I know that when I want connection with them, they are open to it and me for them.
So, if a therapist says she loves the client, what does that mean? Can it be confusing for our minds when we define the meaning of love differently than what a therapist might mean? If we think love automatically creates a two-way street of connection, might the love from a therapist be doomed to feeling incomplete?
I believe I 'love' my therapist and she has said the same towards me. But, I know little about her and I'm not able to be there for her as she is for me. I want my connection to be more than just me receiving and her giving. I want to give too. I want to support her too. But, that's not possible because she's my therapist not my friend.
So, what does it mean when we use the word 'love' in regards to our therapists and are we setting ourselves up with expectations that are impossible to be filled?
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My T and I talked about "therapy love" after she started signing emails with that word. She told me how she spontaneously wrote it one time, and I questioned her about it. She said she loves all of her clients. I know that it's different from love for a friend or relative because it's not totally reciprocated. It's like what you wrote above. I want to give to my T too, but she's not my friend. When I found about about her divorce, I spontaneously hugged her, and I bought her a little stuffed animal. She accepted both graciously. But we aren't friends. Yet she can still love me just like I love her. That's the problem with the emailing. It clearly says we are "almost like friends", though she never said that. I interpreted it that way, and wanted to believe it. I have to talk to her more about that, and about why she thinks it's not good for me to send photos, or other emails that are not processing my session. I guess because one is therapy, and she never wanted to do therapy via email in the first place, and the second makes us too much like friends, which is not part of "our work together."
So, if we understand that it's real love, but different because it's therapy, our expectations will be different. I'm learning that slowly. We DO pay our Ts, and we DO work together. Those are facts! Thanks for posting, skysblue.