I wanted to up date you all on things. I had T today. I shared with the T this post, the beginning any way. She had some words of wisdom. In order to be fair to both of us, my H and I she had some options.

She suggested due to my own fears, the stockholm and the PTSD and my H's issues, the aspergers that both of our needs should be met. That he likely has no idea what he is doing is wrong. IT has been laid out to him what he needs to do on some occasions, but he still has a lot to learn. For me, I am reacting with the PTSD in mind. I am operating out of fear and triggers.

We decided, the T and I, that we will give things 4 weeks. I had planned on going back in 6 weeks. We will give things 4 weeks to show me proof. IT things do not go well then I will have two weeks to continue to tell him I am not coming home.

During hte next 4 weeks when things arise and I start to say "Don;t do that, or Say this instead, I need to wait for his response, nto retreat. I need to give him a chance to prove to me how he is going to handle the situation. I am not being fair to him by assuming what he is going to say or how he will handle things. Worst case senerio he will handle them just as poorly as I anticipate.

So after every response of his that is heated, I need to either respond to him by saying. I am so glad you changed, you would not have said that a year ago, or That is the kind of thing that give me hope and makes me feel safe enough to return. If he doesn't respond as I would like, then I need to say "That is what I am talking about, those are the kind of things that make it hard for me to consider coming home"

So like this weekend when we talked about July 4th, I should have told him he was right to take a break. (HE didn't get angry and threaten me, I do need to mention he forgot to tell me that he needed sometime to cool off) That was the right thing for him to do. I needed to tell him that being angry with me is ok, it happens, but do not take it out on our son. Rather then retreating I should have stayed and waited for his response to that. That way I can prove to myself and him that YES he has changed or NO he has not.

So the next 4 weeks I need to look for hard proof and evidence that he is changed or he has nto changed. Then I will have my answer. We worked a little more on a back up plan as well.