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quit worrying so much about what my therapist was doing and why, that was her problem, not mine? Mine was to "use" her to help me. Focusing on the other person and what they are doing takes my focus off of me and working as hard as I can to get better.

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Oh for such grownuptitude! Yes, I can see that possibility ahead, its just I felt I had to untangle this tangle, like a sphinx riddle, before I could be allowed to pass on and be part of the world. the tangle of course originates inside me, but the tangle out there, or me behaving in a way that I felt was in integrity and walking away, thinking, yes, you did ok there, ie, not betray myself at all seeing as self betrayal has been my life long pattern, well, that was what I wanted to achieve.
Thanks for your comments, all talking keeps me to be in contact...........

river.