Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingFreely
I think the important thing is that your therapy is what YOU want for yourself, not what she wants for you or what you think you want because of her influence.
My thoughts on emailing is that if a therapist allows it, I think they should be willing to accept whatever comes in without attempting to curb the content or the frequency. I do think it's up to them to set the guideline as to what they will respond to and how often, and be consistent with that. Email is helpful in many ways, especially with respect to dealing with very difficult feelings that therapy stirs up. The fact that you still find it very helpful and are having a tough time weaning off it it makes me think it's still a very necessary, important therapy tool for you.
In my experience, obsession wanes on its own over time if left to play out. Eventually when you feel completely safe and secure in the relationship over a very long period of time, your therapist will be much less interesting to you and you won't feel like emailing anymore. I think that's very different from deciding that emailing ir dependency is a 'bad' thing and challenging yourself to stop when your natural need right now is for connection.
I do think the fact that you can tolerate uncomfortable feelings is great, but again you heard my opinion and I don't think therapy needs to be nearly as uncomfortable as it is for many people.
Your therapist sounds like a lovely person by the way, and noted how protective you are of her. I'm the same way with mine.
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I agree with you in theory but my T says we have to continually reevaluate if something is helping me or not. When I told her I was disappointed with her responses to email, she stopped responding. We tried again at a later time. If it were up to me to make all the decisions, I would email forever. I would make her answer me. I would see my T weekly until I die. I would never take steps to separate. That's the way I am. It's been 6 years. Email helped me a lot but now it's time to change. If I don't listen to my Ts suggestions, what's the point in seeing her? What do you call a long period of time? Isn't 6 years long? She could quit working in 10 years and I'd still be emailing every week as though we're friends. I've been dependent on T's for over 20 years. I think it's time to make a few changes though I don't ever want to quit unless something major happens in my life.
I've noticed that my T is less interesting to me. I don't feel like I'm "in love" with her anymore. It's a more normal relationship to me which is why it's hard to accept the limits. Not the email limit per se, but the limits of therapy. I can't visit her at her home. We can't go out to lunch. She's a casual down-to-Earth kind of person which makes it hard. I don't know if I answered you completely. Maybe it's a gut feeling it's time for me to let go of T in this way.