It's crazy making. I've been wondering (and maybe you can relate, awkwardly) if some of it has to do with the fact that I question my therapist a lot, in a way that looks like arguing, so maybe she can't tell what a rupture is because I easily question or object. The other day, she said something and waited. I waited. She chuckled and resumed talking. I stopped her and asked why she had laughed, and she said she'd been waiting for me to argue and was surprised when I didn't. And later, I thought she looked scared of me, and she said no, she was sad...that what I'd said made her sad. And I said well, you looked scared. And she said maybe I was seeing things in her that were more about how I feel. So she sort of had a good point with that one.

Now I am wondering if, in my case at least, I have worn her down to such an extent that she can't see what I consider big ruptures even when I point them out. I should be glad she at least stays in the game, even if I'm having to conduct one sided ruptures.