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Originally Posted by ruh roh
It's crazy making. I've been wondering (and maybe you can relate, awkwardly) if some of it has to do with the fact that I question my therapist a lot, in a way that looks like arguing, so maybe she can't tell what a rupture is because I easily question or object. The other day, she said something and waited. I waited. She chuckled and resumed talking. I stopped her and asked why she had laughed, and she said she'd been waiting for me to argue and was surprised when I didn't. And later, I thought she looked scared of me, and she said no, she was sad...that what I'd said made her sad. And I said well, you looked scared. And she said maybe I was seeing things in her that were more about how I feel. So she sort of had a good point with that one.
Now I am wondering if, in my case at least, I have worn her down to such an extent that she can't see what I consider big ruptures even when I point them out. I should be glad she at least stays in the game, even if I'm having to conduct one sided ruptures.
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YES! She's repeatedly talked about my questioning as if it's some awesome, amazing thing that is a sign of my terrific mental health. But, doesn't everyone routinely question the therapist? It's a bit weird that she doesn't seem to think it's the norm.....unless she's pulling one over me.
But yeah, I totally agree that the questioning can seem like arguing (which I've been told by other folks as well to my bewilderment) and so the scale of the rupture may not be obvious -- hadn't thought of it that way.
And yeah, I do get the stuff about projecting things in terms of how we see it. Argh.
Btw, I don't think you're in any danger of wearing down your T!
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Awk, I don't suppose she could be doing that thing they do where the "healing" takes place not in the relationship itself but in the interaction? In other words, she's acting the way a lot of people act when they are at fault. And she thinks you need to learn to deal with that, not the actual rupture?
With the two ruptures, and even with the locker room incident, which I don't consider a rupture, No. 3 always says "we can talk about it as much as you want." Is this not a common approach? Because it seems like a reasonable approach to me.
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Oh wow...that does make sense but I really wish she'd just say it then. And, the painful part is that someone totally denying or minimizing stuff (which in my family's case reaches utterly ludicrous levels) is exactly what is so awful about my past and something I'd like to change.
Your no.3's response sounds terrific (I'd totally brave the locker room rendezvous for a response like that!) and no, that seems to be a very uncommon thing to do, in my experience.